Today, I love the Internet…

What a tangled web!

Archive for the ‘mystery meat’ Category

Heart-stopping Business

Posted by tiltiblog on June 18, 2009

Entrepreneur Magazine, of all publications, has a piece on The Heart Attack Grill –a place famously covered by yrs truly in my tireless effort to bring you the best in meat-related matters (see: Burger Bypass Roundup).   Anywhatsit, it seems HAG owner Jon Basso (pseudonym?  porn name?) has ZERO advertising budget.  Probably thanks to clowns like me who can’t help but write about giant stacks of cheese-laden meat patties served by “sexy nurse outfit”-clad coeds.

His entire business is a set-up to a “that’s what she said,” joke.   And sounds like he’s laughing all the way to the ER…er, bank.

The best thing is the Google result for the business which proclaims:  HEART ATTACK GRILL DIET CENTER.

As a wise man once said, AMERICA…F**K YEAH!

Posted in Big Dose of WTF, Drugs, Food, hamburgers, mystery meat, Social Diseases | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

This is how you become a guest-blogger

Posted by tiltiblog on April 23, 2009

if you were wondering:

There's a lot going on here, all of it Amazing.

There's a lot going on here, all of it Amazing.

And I really need my GUEST BLOGGER to get off his broken elbows and explain the magic of this thing.  Cause my ass is too defeated from building the interwebs by day to give this wonderment its propers.

Posted in Big Dose of WTF, magic, mystery meat, Overall Awesome | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Bacon Fool’s Day

Posted by tiltiblog on April 7, 2009

There was some chatter from the supplier of the bacon lube link as to whether that was in fact, a real product.  The publicity seemed a bit too night-before-April-1 for the sender’s taste.  But what about this?

as healthy as real bacon

as healthy as real bacon

Have you been missing the ability to produce a by-volume equivalent to bacon from a squeeze-bottle?  Have you ever wanted to top three slices of bacon with a squorked-out ribbon of bacony material?  No?

Well it’s just as well, because even before I received a link to this magical product it had been debunked upon the interwebs.  And I’m too sick to dig into the whole story behind this, but it has something to do with ThinkGeek and Sweden.

One of my more actual readers asserts that the Bacon Lube was the end of the line, a sign that this Pop Celebrity Moment bacon has been experiencing has at last become nothing more than an ouroboros, about to self-reflexively swallow itself into nothingness.

I refuse to submit to this!  I want more more more bacon-as-celebrity.  The world is a challenging place these days and a little salty meat product can be enough to get you through your morning (especially as an important part of a nutritious breakfast).

So I bring you some beautiful imagery courtesy of bbqaddicts (which tiltiblog may have to start following!):

Layer one of this dish: braided bacon!

Layer one of this dish: braided bacon!

This dish involves a part where you add loose sausage meat and then more bacon and then you roll it up like a Bûche de Noël…of meat!  Allow me to restate: when you roll up these meaty layers, the outer-most shell will be braided bacon.  Hells. Yeah.

Cross-section below!

homer drool noise

homer drool noise

I want to go to there.

Posted in bacon, Food, Health, humor, mystery meat | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Dr. Jones, bringer of things geek

Posted by tiltiblog on March 17, 2009

loganspringbreak

Won’t you read my blog??

Posted in comics, mystery meat, Overall Awesome | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

this is a real product

Posted by tiltiblog on March 4, 2009

I just want to type that out loud.  And make you look at it:

menacing, isn't it?

menacing, isn't it?

I’m fairly certain that what we have here are, left-to-right: the chocolate chip pancake flavor, regular ol’ cake- cake, and blueberry pancake flavors (Jon Stewart’s choice).

Ahem.

More disturbing than something that’s at least reminiscent of the harmless corndog, there’s this new product offering ol’ Jimmy Dean is thowing down.  Check it out:

And Baconnaise is for the lazy?

And Baconnaise is for the lazy?

Ok, D-light Breakfast Bowl Producers: I just want to know…is there anything easier to make than eggs?  Even with crap tossed into the mix?  Come, on Jimmy Dean.  I think most children could muster this more days of the week than not.  In fact, I’d have to check with Moms, but scrambled eggs may have been the first dish I learned to cook (that involved heat).

Also: this product design doesn’t have nearly the magic that must have been required to produce the pancake-wrappery above.

I’m left wanting.

However I will say this for them: despite making an utterly questionable product that is super easy to make oneself, and leaving out of it the juicy joys of both yolk and full fat cheese, at least it’s got half the calories!  Of the product leader in this lazy-ass, utterly questionable market!  And only 30% of the calories of this product are fat.  Yays.

This brings to mind a story told to me by my friend Vito, back in January.  I wrote it down on a bar napkin:

‘this is the best kind of Vito Story:

“You just reminded me…there was this burger I had in Atlanta….

The burger, called the Triple Bypass, had…3 patties…3 fried eggs… bacon…cheese and instead of buns, 2 grilled cheese sandwiches.”

I miss you, Vito.  And I will commence looking for photographic evidence of this mythic item.

Posted in Big Dose of WTF, Commerce, mystery meat | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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