Nay, I refer to an actual camp for actually discussing, eating and serving bacon products. That I, uh, found out about the day after it concluded. Bad bacon fan! Luckily, I can share with you the winning bacon product: the bacone. Construction instructions here!
If only the green mermaid had a dotted line on her haunch!
There was some chatter from the supplier of the bacon lube link as to whether that was in fact, a real product. The publicity seemed a bit too night-before-April-1 for the sender’s taste. But what about this?
as healthy as real bacon
Have you been missing the ability to produce a by-volume equivalent to bacon from a squeeze-bottle? Have you ever wanted to top three slices of bacon with a squorked-out ribbon of bacony material? No?
Well it’s just as well, because even before I received a link to this magical product it had been debunked upon the interwebs. And I’m too sick to dig into the whole story behind this, but it has something to do with ThinkGeek and Sweden.
One of my more actual readers asserts that the Bacon Lube was the end of the line, a sign that this Pop Celebrity Moment bacon has been experiencing has at last become nothing more than an ouroboros, about to self-reflexively swallow itself into nothingness.
I refuse to submit to this! I want more more more bacon-as-celebrity. The world is a challenging place these days and a little salty meat product can be enough to get you through your morning (especially as an important part of a nutritious breakfast).
So I bring you some beautiful imagery courtesy of bbqaddicts (which tiltiblog may have to start following!):
Layer one of this dish: braided bacon!
This dish involves a part where you add loose sausage meat and then more bacon and then you roll it up like a Bûche de Noël…of meat! Allow me to restate: when you roll up these meaty layers, the outer-most shell will be braided bacon. Hells. Yeah.
I just want to type that out loud. And make you look at it:
menacing, isn't it?
I’m fairly certain that what we have here are, left-to-right: the chocolate chip pancake flavor, regular ol’ cake- cake, and blueberry pancake flavors (Jon Stewart’s choice).
More disturbing than something that’s at least reminiscent of the harmless corndog, there’s this new product offering ol’ Jimmy Dean is thowing down. Check it out:
And Baconnaise is for the lazy?
Ok, D-light Breakfast Bowl Producers: I just want to know…is there anything easier to make than eggs? Even with crap tossed into the mix? Come, on Jimmy Dean. I think most children could muster this more days of the week than not. In fact, I’d have to check with Moms, but scrambled eggs may have been the first dish I learned to cook (that involved heat).
Also: this product design doesn’t have nearly the magic that must have been required to produce the pancake-wrappery above.
I’m left wanting.
However I will say this for them: despite making an utterly questionable product that is super easy to make oneself, and leaving out of it the juicy joys of both yolk and full fat cheese, at least it’s got half the calories! Of the product leader in this lazy-ass, utterly questionable market! And only 30% of the calories of this product are fat. Yays.
This brings to mind a story told to me by my friend Vito, back in January. I wrote it down on a bar napkin:
‘this is the best kind of Vito Story:
“You just reminded me…there was this burger I had in Atlanta….
The burger, called the Triple Bypass, had…3 patties…3 fried eggs… bacon…cheese and instead of buns, 2 grilled cheese sandwiches.”
I miss you, Vito. And I will commence looking for photographic evidence of this mythic item.
As each of my 3 lurkers knows, one reason I love the Internet is for the sweet, sweet way it enables me to watch Cable TV without paying for it. Which I’m doing right now. Which means that I just discovered that Jon Stewart just discovered Baconnaise!! Last Wednesday! I beat you by two weeks. YES. Victory is mine, Stewart.
But wait, there’s more! Not only did I scoop The Daily Show, but since Jon reviewed the product thusly, ‘I think my tongue just took a s***’ I don’ t have to try it! Because I believe everything Jon Stewart tells me.
Yesterday was a frenzy of bacon related reveals….crazy, fatty, porky, delicious. So much so that I forgot to post this beauty:
I’m hungry! But what’s for dessert? I don’t care if it’s 10:30 in the morning! Well yesterday, I was offered a cookie-speckled crisco tower for dessert. Behold:
tower of power
THAT is why you’re fat. In case, you know. You were wondering.
I love this site, by the way, but after going there I had ‘This is Why I’m Hot‘ (sung ‘This is Why I’m Fat’) stuck in my head allllll day. Thanks, Internet!
Fat makes me think of exercise and exercise makes me think of a movie I just saw…because in this movie, the protagonist makes use of a trampoline for exercise. ‘What fun!’ thought I. ‘I should go do that somewhere…’ and then the next day, I saw these guys doing it:
Now I know I really need to get a trampoline for my back yard. This is not England, so I expect few foxes. But just think of all the neighborhood cats flying through the air! No really! Think of them!